Hi. I haven't posted in months. For some reason, I didn't feel like writing. BUT I'M BA-ACK.
Since the last somber post, I bounced back from both the shingles and the broken arm and all the associated malaise that goes with being under the weather while doing chemo, and I'm feeling very happy and well again. There was a trip to Sonoma with Neil. A trip to the San Juan islands with family and friends. A big college girlfriend reunion at my house. BBQs. Bike rides. Swimming, at least 3 times a week! Bike rides. And best of all, the thing I treasure most: loads of special time with my lovely kids, who I adore more than words can express.
Once again, I feel peaceful and content. Balanced even, despite the bi-weekly chemo interruptions. My life is really a happy thing-- with that one lil' exception. Even chemo has been easier for me these last few months. And I've been bouncing back faster afterward, too.
Maybe I haven't written because this blog feels like a tether to the world of cancer, and yet my life lately has felt increasingly far from that world. And why would I want to merge the two. Sometimes, a girl can only do what a girl can do.
Anyway, tomorrow morning I have a PET scan. Haven't had one of those in a while. It will show us how well I'm doing now that I've been back on Folfox. It will show if the tiny tumors have grown, of if they are regressing. I'm going to try not to spend the next few days with a knotted stomach, awaiting the results, with a bursting heart at the mere sound of the phone ringing. If you've never had cancer or another serious medical test which has yielded devastating results, or you've never had to receive really bad news, you might not know the experience I'm about to have this week. I can't really put it into words. I'll just say that the scan experience requires big-time, industrial strength emotional armor. I've had a little talk with myself about how I'm going to approach the week and come out the other side unscathed. I've got a strategy.
I'm feeling strong now, emotionally. I feel great, physically. Please, oh please, oh pretty, pretty please, let me be able to deliver you some good news in a few days.