Thursday, October 18, 2012

Light at the end of the tunnel

Newsflash. Today my doc told me we would do two more months of chemo, then stop. THANK YOU SWEET BABY JESUS.

My last CT scan showed a very small lung node spot, but CT scans can't tell you if those spots are cancer or just scar tissue. Insurance has repeatedly denied me a PET scan, which WOULD show if it's cancer or just scar tissue. So I'm continuing on with chemo. By December, if the spot isn't gone, we need to try a different approach, anyway.

And not that I'm counting or anything, but that will make a total of FIFTEEN DAMNED MONTHS OF CHEMO. Imagine that for a moment, if you will. Where were you 15 months ago? What have you done since then? Me? Oh, just FIFTEEN DAMNED MONTHS OF CHEMO, that's all. And lest the cursing misleads you, know that I'm actually quite happy right now. Because I have an end date, at last.


Loud and proud.

And insane.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012


Just love this so. Absorb its wisdom for your fine self, you child of the universe.

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann c.1920