Wednesday, March 27, 2013

"What's brown and covers a roof?"

Shingles?

Why, yes! AND, they're also my latest ailment. That's right, on top of everything else, I've learned I have shingles, too. As annoying as it might seem, me developing yet another condition, I was actually glad to hear the news. I'd been frustrated by the fact that, for weeks, I was in miserable pain. My back and neck were just on fire, and nothing seemed to help. I'd wake up and rub them for hours in the night.  It made no sense, these extreme muscle aches, but I just figured it was part of the hellride, get used to it.

Then, I noticed some of the front of my hair started falling out. I wasn't on chemo at the time, so that didn't make sense.

THEN, I developed a rash on my head. It looked like someone whacked me with a krobar. After 10 days, I visited the dermatologist, and voila. Shingles. So that explains everything. (Except the hair...?)

I think that last chemo I was taking, Irinotecan, was the devil. Not only did it not work, it gave me the worst crop of side effects I've ever had. (Ulcer. Shingles. etc.) With Folfox, even though it's downright torturous for me to receive, it doesn't wreak too much havoc on my life when I'm off it. I like the 2-week interludes. Life feels almost normal then! Truly.

Today my son turned 5. Milestones like this inevitably make a slice of me wonder "how many more will I live to see"-type things. Ptth. Not fun. I don't feel particularly stalwart right now. Where's my resolve? How have I let it slip?

Sunday is Easter. Monday I head back to Ohio for spring break. I need to focus on my health again. Mind/body/spirit. Find my game face. Where'd it go? I feel I've been off in the weeds this past month. I feel all over the board. I've never felt this scattered in my approach to fighting this disease. I don't know why.

19 comments:

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  2. Shelldogg, it's no wonder you're scattered -- look at everything you've been dealing with. Off one medicine, on another, possibly going on yet another with all kinds of nasty side effects. Ulcer, tests, weird symptoms, mystery pains, nix the new med, back on the old one. Oh, and Merry Christmas: Shingles! Good god. Give yourself a break. You're the strongest person I know. Things will settle down again. Have a fun Easter with the kids and enjoy Ohio! xoxo

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  3. you're kickin' ass and takin' names.
    never forget that!

    xo meagan

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  4. My heart goes out to you, Shel. The hits keep coming. And yet you're still standing.

    Much love.

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  6. Shel, I'm with Dean & Larry. You're incredibly strong, and you'll definitely get back on your feet again. A little bit of Ohio air and just a few instances of hearing that sharp, sharp nasally accent (call my mom: the screeching tone of her 'A's is more pronounced than anyone I know) should shake you right up and put you back into fighting stance. But shingles? Seriously?!? That's just ridiculous. Put that back up on the roof, Girl.

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  7. Whaaaa???? Really??? Now that's just crazy. I hope that your spring break is lovely and your shingles get back on the roof where they belong. <>

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