I'm happy to report that as I write, i am enduring the last of my chemotherapy sessions. NINE MONTHS down. I don't feel all that chatty, as this one's felt particularly ... oh what's the word.... toxic? full of malaise? annoying? uncomfortable?
It's hard to find the right words to describe pain. You either know it or you don't. Experience is really required to "get it". We all know what a headache feels like. Then there's heartburn. Then there's that panicky sick feeling you get just before food poisoning. There's that dry, crunchy feeling of strep throat. Or the sharp pierce of an ear infection. Or the achiness of the flu.
Well, this is something still different. How do you describe this pain? to me, it's like drinking a bottle of Windex. Feeling chemical-ly. Feeling a sense of malaise and disinterest in things. Nausea. Fatigue. Annoyance.
I want to embrace all the great encouraging comments I've been getting "last one, shell!" and they do help, but i also kind of feel like i'm at mile 8 of a marathon and i know i still have 18 to go. Gotta hang in there. Then I'll be ok.
My doc tells me it takes 6 weeks for the chemo to leave my body. At that time, I suspect I'll once again feel like drinking a big toast to myself. I'll slowly get all that great energy back and I'll once again be the fireball you knew me to be. I can't wait for that time. Just a few more days.
Then, I really like to think and hope, this will all be over. FOR GOOD. It won't come back in a year, or two. Or five. That it will really be OVER.