Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Ode to my colon

Oh colon of mine
Things were going just fine
Then you got all diseased
Leaving me none too pleased.

Oh sweet, magnificent colon
You twisty, bendy guy
You never asked for much from me,
Just smiled as food passed by.

You "team player", you, dear colon
Ever taking the backseat
The heart, brain and lungs are much sexier
Who thinks a colon's neat?

But clever, naughty colon
THIS TIME I noticed you
You grew yourself a bad wad o' cells.
What a crappy thing to do. (pun)

Oh dramatic primadonna
You cunning ingenue
Now YOU'RE the center of attention
You planned all this, DIDN'T YOU?

You made your point, oh colon,
Now everyone knows your name
Mr. and Mrs. Powell even named their son after you
But I've had enough of this game.

Yet talented, resilient colon,
They nipped 8 inches from your length
And you healed up fine in 6-8 weeks
Saying "No big whoop!" WHAT STRENGTH.

Oh proud and useful colon,
I'm not mad at you
But if you ever do this to me again,
I'll hack 3 more FEET out of you.

Colon 2.0
Now you're free from any nasties
You work just fine, digestion's divine,
I pray for NO MORE colo-disasties.


  1. Shelldogg, I think we both know what really did the trick:


    I don't really understand poetry that doesn't use the word "Nantucket," but this sounds like good news! Big love, and let me know if you need more Cream Collon.


  2. Shelly, you're getting me in trouble at work, what with all the sobbing out loud (sobs of relief and joy) and then the loud cackling while reading this poetic masterpiece.

    So SO thrilled for you, Woman!!

  3. hahaa i just liked the pun... :)

  4. I wish I could hear Roy Williamson's rendition of this ode (remember "The Bells"?) !



  5. You are so amazing! I love it! Yes, it actually made me chuckle in parts. Thank you.