On Monday, while Neil waited outside with the kids, I went into Starbucks. I got in line behind 3 other moms, surrounded by their pile of wily kids.
The barista turned to me. "Can I get a drink started for ya?"
I hadn't really had time to figure out what I actually felt like drinking (my tastes are a little "off" these days). So I went on autopilot:
"Yeah, hi! Um, I'll have a chai tea. How 'bout a grande, nonfa---. Oh wait. Wait. NOT nonfat. Make it fat! Make it extra fatty. So like, with whole milk?"
She nodded and started to walk away. I yelled over the heads of the 3 moms in front of me, "Or, just make it with whatever you have that's most fattening. Really load it up!"
She replied back, over the heads of the young moms, "If you want it fattening, I could make it like a breve?"
Me, loudly: "What's that?"
"Made with cream?"
Me, loudly and extra excitedly: "Oh yeah! Perfect! Make it with heavy cream! Nice and fattening! DO IT UP!"
She went off to make it, and I stood there. I realized I was being stared at disdainfully by the moms. Through sleep-deprived eyes, they shot daggers at poor Miss 5' 10", in her skinny cords, who needed the world to know she was simply dying for a fattening drink.
To smooth things over, and so they'd know I was actually one of them, I explained, "See, I'm just really trying to GAIN weight....Just... really hoping to PACK IT ON here....Trying! ...But...so...."
One of them snorted and turned away.
Man, this cancer is really turning me into a BITCH.