The scan wasn't so hot.
Almost all of my little spots have grown just a tiny bit. They are still small, just centimters big, but it's the wrong direction. Damnitall, because this was supposed to be a really good, effective chemo. This is the first time something hasn't worked for me, and that fact has left me reeling a bit. Since diagnosis, we've always had this sucker more or less under control.
So, I met with the doc today to discuss options, and he is adding a new drug to the current chemo I'm taking. It's called Herbitux (sp?) and it makes the chemo work considerably better. I asked him if it makes the chemo work better, why wasn't I taking it before? He said, "Side effects." Oh great. I asked him what the side effects are. "Skin rash". What does that mean? "Severe acne, could be all over the face, or the body, too". Oh, and "Diarrhea and water retention."
SOUNDS GREAT! SIGN ME UP!
Thing is, I don't have a choice, do I. So, I get to spend the summer as a pizza face. With thin, lifeless hair. But that's all surface stuff, isn't it. I have to be the bigger, less vain person, and do what needs to be done. It just feels like after all I've been through, could you at least keep my looks intact? Please?
I'm still waiting to see what important life lessons I'm supposed to be learning from all this. None of this has changed my values, added perspective, or made me less of an asshole than I was in my former life. People have told me many times that that's what having cancer does for you. (Insert chuckles from Shelly here. They know EVERYTHING, don't they!) Ok, now I sound bitter. I'm not. Just sort of shaking my head over here.
I'll get scanned in two months and if this doesn't work, another option is to go back to the chemo I was on before, FOLFOX, because we don't know for sure that it stopped working (I had been on reduced doses due to surgery). Oh, and now I get to go in for chemo EVERY WEEK.