Saturday, November 20, 2010

They found something

I'll keep this short and sweet until I have more information. The doctor called me at 8:30 last night to tell me that my PET scan showed a spot on my liver, right at the same site where the metastasized tumor once lived. It's a small spot, and he doesn't know what it is. An ultrasound is planned for early next week (not scheduled yet) to learn more definitively if it's cancer.

I asked him how worried he was and he said, "medium".

It COULD be scar tissue.

It could be a false positive, like I had on my last PET scan in August. The difference is that, last time I wasn't worried. A positive area made no sense then. I was still doing chemo, and the chemo was WORKING. Why would there have been a new growth? And as it turned out, there wasn't.

This time, however, I'm not on chemo anymore. Just Avastin.

I'm not going to lie. I've already shed a few tears about this news. I've felt every emotion imaginable, from fear to terror to dread to sorrow to anger to despair to fatigue to depression to anxiety --- to a sense of resolve that I can and will overcome this, if it's indeed bad news, and that I'll get my old game face back out of the dusty depths of my closet where I placed it a few weeks ago, back when I started to believe that this was really all over. Back when I once again started to live like a normal 36-year old, making plans with friends, planning trips, and having tons of energy to shower all over my kids. I am NOT ready to surrender my renewed energy and sense of hope.

I am PRAYING that this does not turn out to be cancer. I don't know if I can handle this rollercoaster hellride again.

But the truth is, if it turns out to be cancer, I KNOW I'll put up a crazy fight, once again, and for one simple reason:



  1. Thinking about you and sending you positive thoughts and energy.

    xoxo, Teresa

  2. It's not bad news yet, Shelly! Positive thoughts are on the way.

    - Paul C.

  3. Sending positive EVERYTHING your way.

  4. Team Shelly remains at the ready for you ... sending all my best energy your way.

  5. Oh Shelly, I am sending good thoughts your way. Let me know if you want to get together this week.

  6. very positive energy for you. Breathe

  7. We're thinking of you Shelly and sending all of our positive energy your way! - Kate Josh & N

  8. The Vermont troops have been rallied. We're sending all the positive energy in the Green Mountain State directly at YOU!

  9. when you were planning that distance swim this summer, I thought "her body is a miracle. She is a miracle!". I don't know if this spot is a scar, a freckle, or something that doesn't belong. I do know that you are a tough cookie with a wicked sense of humor, deep love for life, friends and family. and whatever the news, you will keep moving forward.
    xoxo, Nancy