Friday, August 20, 2010

Somewhere between good and bad

When listing off the potential results to my PET Scan, I didn't realize there might be Option C. That's what I got.

First, my "chest and lungs and body are clean as a whistle". This is great news. In and of itself, it might have meant the end of chemo!


There is a "spot" in my low colon. PET scans aren't diagnostic, so they only show that something is there, not what it is. It could be inflammation. It could be an infection. It could be a tumor. It could be still something else. The way to find out is through a colonscopy, which I now have scheduled next Thursday at 1:30. (Julie, we are going to have to work around our hair highlight appointments! Let's take that one offline.)

In my favor: it's very near my surgery site, near the suture line, and those tend to get inflammed. Also, after almost 9 months of colon cancer chemo, it's possible that YES, my colon is in fact inflamed! Makes sense to me. Also, if the chemo has obliterated all the rest of the cancer, why would a new little cancerous area be taking hold at this point? It makes no sense and even my doc said it would be "unusual". Still, the bad little voice waay in the back of my head says, "yes, shelly, but everything about this has been unusual from the get-go. 'Unusual' is how you roll. you should never have even gotten this..."

So yes, I cried when i saw there was a new spot. It's such a terrifying experience, I wish it on NONE OF YOU. It's like an awful nightmare that's really true. The first thing I thought of were my kids' faces. Knife in your guts. Then I also got this surge of anger, like, "WHEN THE HELL IS THIS GOING TO BE DONE? I CAN ONLY HANDLE SO MUCH OF THIS CRAP."

But now, a day later, even though I've resumed chemo (dangitall), I am feeling relatively mellow about things. If i had to bet, I'd guess it's just an irritation. And my dear dad, who has had many scares in the past, has always advised me that there is no good to be done from worrying before you know what is really going on. Truly, it might be nothing! Then you'll have worried yourself sick for no reason. He is so sensible. I wish I had a LITTLE more of that gene in me.

So. Til next Thursday. Maybe I'll do a live webcast of my colonoscopy. I really need to up my blog viewership and this may be JUST the way.


  1. Your blog viewers are still with you Shel and we'll have your back next Thursday.

  2. Hugs Shelly! Sending positive thoughts your way.. every day! xo

  3. Yep, still here and still thinking wonderful, amazing things about you.

  4. Right here with you, Shelly. Still convinced that you're beating all the odds.

  5. Shel - we'll talk offline about colonoscopy because there are decisions to be made. Decisions like to you want it recorded and if so - which format? See? Decisions decisions.

  6. Do you want me to come hold your hand on Thursday? That wouldn't be weird, would it?