What a glorious colonoscopy that was!

My colonoscopy yesterday went great. OH MAN WAS THAT A FUN COLONOSCOPY. I don't have any "official" results other than the piece of paper my doctor gave me. Under the comments section, he wrote, "Normal" and circled it. AND CIRCLED IT. That must mean, "Big-time normal." As in, I rocked "normal" very hard.

He also took me aside afterwards and said he wasn't sure what that spot on the PET scan was. Sometimes spots just show up. Irritation, now gone? Perhaps it was on the outside of the colon? In any case he wasn't visibly worried, but he would confer with my oncologist in the next few days and someone will call me with official results and next steps. My only real question is: does this mean I can finally stop my freaking chemotherapy? COME ON, PEOPLE. CANCER'S LONG GONE. SHELLY'S GETTING TI-TI OF ALL THIS CRIPPITY CRAP.

Some other details about the c-scopy:

1. I got a fake spray tan this week. (Hey, we got a great deal on Groupon. It was going to expire. They came to our house and everything.) HOWEVER, though she did a fine job on the overall tan, there are some telltale fake dark areas and also some completely white areas on my very, very "upper legs", in the back. I figured, "No big deal. Who's going to see that?" OH WAIT. MY COLONOSCOPY TEAM IS GOING TO SEE THAT. I felt like such a vain dork, on that table, a team of men staring at the shoddy fake tan, probably thinking, "Women. I'll never understand why they do the things they do."

2. I've been through enough medical procedures in the last 10 months that I figured I'd really have a rip-roarin' time with this one. I decided to test myself, Shelly vs. medicine. When they went to inject the pain medicine into my IV (fentanol and some other medicine that "makes you forget"), I announced to the team of medical professionals, "Just so you know, I am going to do a little test, just for fun, to see if I can resist the power of this medicine and stay completely awake."

The nurse nodded at me, and said, soothingly, "OK, now. Just lie back."

So I opened my eyes really large and concentrated REALLY HARD. I said, "I'm still awake.......................Still up.........................I'm still here..............I'm being bionic..........I'm still conscious................."

And the thing is, I DID stay up. I remember the whole 20-minute procedure. I watched it on the screen. I got to see my colon up there, in all its twisty glory. I asked them questions about what that thing was?, where are they going now?, are you going to cut that little nubby thing out?, etc. (I have thought about all of this since it happened, and I really do think I was concious for all of it. I don't THINK I have memory gaps from the "forgetting" drug, though I concede it's possible.)

When it was over, I was able to walk out, unassisted, and I was alert. (No, Mom, I would never drive after such a procedure, nor would I sign legal documents.) My friend/driver Julie and I went to Geraldine's Counter and I ate a corned beef sandwich with fries and two large Cokes. (They said to go with broth or something light, but that did not jive with my whole "Bionic Shelly vs. medicine -theme"). I got home and did all kinds of productive activities around the house.

So the way I figure it, I conquered that colonoscopy in every possible way. If you ever have to get one, don't dread it. It's not so bad. It can even be, dare I say it, kind of fun.